This post was originally published on Coach to Transformation blog.

This topic comes from a session I had with a peer during my first few days of coaching. I recall that I was so concerned about reaching a solution that I asked a question unrelated to the conversation, having forgotten the initial problem statement. While I addressed it immediately, it made me realise that I was struggling with being present.

Being present and the challenges I faced

Being present has been a recurring challenge for me. This has not been because of a lack of interest but rather because my mind wanders off in different directions.

For me, presence means caring deeply about the problem, feeling at ease, and not being trapped by structure. It ensures that I am listening actively and sincerely without any pressure to tick all the boxes.

On reflecting on what could prevent me from doing this, I realised there was a common theme. While I was there physically, I was too focused on performing well as a coach rather than being present. I was always thinking about the next question. I was waiting for my turn to speak.

This often led to situations where I was not actively listening to what the client was saying and was unable to support the creation of awareness.

Silence in that moment made me uncomfortable because it revealed my uncertainty.

How coaching helped me develop this?

Coaching truly helped me see for the first time the real-time impact of not being present on someone (through the example I shared at the beginning). It is not something that is easy to realise on a day-to-day basis. I realised that if I couldn’t manage myself, I couldn’t truly serve the client.

After a few practice sessions, I started feeling more comfortable with being there in the moment and being curious. My approach may not always lead to client satisfaction, but being driven by the need to be liked as a coach would 100% not serve the client.

The moment I stopped being driven by this insecurity, the pressure left the room. I felt more relaxed, and my mind was not distracted in moments when the client was sharing something. I could leverage my ability to be silent more effectively.

Before each session, I take a moment to slow down. I remind myself not to plan the next question while the client is speaking. Over time and with practice, I have become better at noticing clients’ verbal and non-verbal cues.

Presence beyond Coaching!

While there were benefits during the sessions, I also saw the impact of this in my daily interactions with my direct reports. Instead of being impatient and rushing to a solution, I now focus on understanding the problem statement, which often allows them to see the solution while answering my questions.

If I had to put my experience in one line: The moment I stopped trying to prove myself as a coach, I finally became present for my client.